Friday, January 3, 2014

Pain and Moving On

Hi Friends,

It's been awhile since I wrote. In case you are wondering, I did manage to survive all my classes. I actually did better than I was anticipating, it's good to know that  hard work can pay off. This is my last winter break ever so I've been celebrating by doing as little as possible and it's going quite well. :)

Going off the date alone, today is a pretty crappy day. It's been exactly one year since I got in my car accident. My plan was to stay off the roads entirely today but I had to get my mantoux read at the doctor's so I had to go out. I'm not normally superstitious but being it's winter and I have enough anxiety driving as it is, I wanted to avoid driving today.  My mom was nice enough to offer to drive me which was a major relief because the roads were still slick. I have a pretty great mom. :)

Today is also a pretty crappy day because today would have been Constance's 19th birthday. I miss her so much. I still think about her every day.

Sometimes when things happen we feel lost and abandoned by God. It's a completely natural thing to feel. The Bible is full of individuals who felt that way. The truth is though that he never leaves us. He is always there. Bad things happen, sometimes really, really bad things, and I can't tell you why because I don't understand. All I know is that God has a greater plan than any human can ever understand. I can see God in every aspect of my life and that is with my degree in biology. No one will convince me otherwise. Even when I don't want to believe, I still believe.

I hate the fact that God allowed my younger sister to feel the way she did, do what she did, and die but I still stand by my original belief that God's hand can be seen in that situation. It's still a struggle at times to move on without her and I wish the pain would leave but at least Constance is at peace now.

I'm going to share something that helps me on the days that are really bad and I hope it may help you.

There is a hymn titled "It is Well With My Soul." If you've never heard it, it is a very beautiful hymn written in the 1800's. From the title, you would think that everything in the author's life is going well but that is far from the case. The song was written by Horatio G. Spafford who was inspired to write it after losing his four daughters in a terrible tragedy. The entire story can be read here if you are interested:

Spafford was a very faithful man who still had tragedy befall him. To sum it up he lost his first son to scarlet fever, he lost most of his investments in the Great Chicago Fire, his four daughters died in an accident, and his second son also died of scarlet fever. Through it all he still kept his faith.

I won't pretend to be anywhere near as faithful as Spafford but I look to his example. Like Job from the Bible, Spafford kept his faith despite the tragedies that befell him. He is a great example of a good and faithful servant. More importantly, Spafford's song and story give me reason to hope. When things are going bad and you feel like God has abandoned you or is punishing you, He's not. He's still there and He has a plan for us, you just have to have faith. Most importantly, the song reminds us of that plan and the peace that comes with knowing that God has a plan for us.

I hope I didn't scare you all away with my blog post today. I'm not sure if it even made sense. I hope it did. My faith is very important to me so please remember that this is my story. If you don't agree with my post, I respect your beliefs so please respect mine.

To keep with the theme of my blog, here are the good things about the last few weeks.

1. I survived the semester.
-Hallelujah! Worst semester ever but it is now over!

2. Reaching out for help.
-It's hard to admit you need help but I finally took the first step. :)

3. Finally getting time to truly relax.
-Thank goodness! :)

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! Thank you for reading.



RIP Constance, Happy Birthday.

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