Friday, July 31, 2015

Growing Up is Hard to Do: Part 2/?

Hi Friends,

I hope you are all doing well.

I have been very busy and my life has been a roller coaster of up and downs.

Work has been really hard lately. So hard in fact that I had a major anxiety attack (major for me, I didn't have to go to the hospital or anything so maybe it's not considered major by medical standards) and spent almost all of Tuesday crying.

Fun stuff.

The worst part of it is that it wasn't due to one thing. My boss and the service coordinator that witnessed me crying uncontrollably, probably thought (I can almost guarantee the service coordinator definitely thought this) that I was overreacting. The thing that set me over the edge still boils my blood because apparently I have a different definition of honesty than a lot of people but it wouldn't have sent me into an anxiety attack if I wasn't already stressed to the max. Mostly (i.e. 90%) due to my job but in part because of things going on in my own life.

I still have my job. I guess that's a plus. My boss assures me that I don't suck (he used nice terms like meeting expectations, doing a good job, etc) but I may not be able to remain in this field if I cannot adapt to some of the inherent parts of being an itinerant therapist.

I knew going in this is an isolating field, your schedule depends on other people, and you never get to leave work. Knowing something and living it can be two different things.

The depending on other people is what is killing me. After what happened Tuesday I seriously question whether I want to remain in this particular field.

To put it bluntly: People suck sometimes.

I have had parents who decided to up and drop services without warning, ones who mysteriously never get back to me or leave cryptic texts not really letting me know if they want to continue, and ones who were pushed to get OT services by the service coordinator but didn't want them so treated me like a second class citizen till my organization pulled me out of there.

This has only been in the past month. If this had happened in June when I was struggling to get IEPs and transition meetings for my children going to kindergarten it would have been even uglier.

So I'm not particularly happy with my job right now. Add onto that I have no children who are straightforward cases and a whole bunch of sensory kids, it's a tough job.

Don't get me wrong. I like my job. I have a few kids I love to go see. They have awesome parents that carry stuff over (so wonderful and so uncommon) and are just nice to work with. I'm glad I will be getting back a few of my preschoolers come fall because they are are lot of fun too.

So I'm perplexed as to what to do at the moment besides trudge through. My goal is to stay a full year because otherwise it feels like I didn't give the job a fair shake but we'll see.

I did have a second job working per diem at a rehab facility till the end of June when the company lost the contract at the facility I was at. I decided to take July off from my second job while I decided if I wanted to stay at that facility or stay with the company or just drop my second job all together. I still don't know what I will do with that but with the problems I have been having at my primary job perhaps I should go back to per diem at a rehab center.

I have a lot to work through. I share my struggles with you in part because sharing it helps me to sort it out but also because I hope it helps someone else. I know how despairing it can be when you think all your friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers have it figured out while you feel like you adrift. There is at least one other person out there who is adrift with you and I'll bet there are others but their lifeboats are so cool we don't even realize they're adrift too.

I wish you all well.

Blessings,

Veronica

PS. In case this gets back to my company, I will not leave them high and dry. Ask any of my former employers, I can be a flake but I don't flake out. That does not mean, however, that I will remain long term in a position that makes me miserable. Also, from our conversation Tuesday they kind of know this.


Friday, February 20, 2015

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

Hi Friends,

I hope you are all doing well. I've been well but stressed. Stressed is kind of my constant state of being, (I'm not really sure if that last sentence even made sense.)

Here are the good things that have occurred in my life lately:

1. I passed my national board exam for occupational therapy so I am a registered occupational therapist. :)

2. I was finally approved for my temporary license for NYS. (Maybe I can finally get paid.)

3. I am now an official employee at an early intervention and early childhood organization.

4. I have my own apartment now.

5. I am now an official pet parent to two kitties.

Here are the not so great things that have occurred in my life lately:

1. My savings/ student loans have basically run out requiring a juggling of finances until I finally begin to be paid.

2. Growing up is very expensive (hooray for safety deposits, licensing costs, etc...not).

3. My space cadetness/ my underestimation of the weather resulted in frozen pipes at my apartment that have been that way for a few days (No tenet of the year award for me).

So there has been a lot of changes in my life lately which may account for some of my space cadetness. I'm trying to cut myself some slack (as multiple people wiser than me have said to do) but I'm not very good at that. ;)

But that is my life in a nutshell. I know many of you reading this are going through similar experiences and I wish you luck and that your pipes don't freeze. :)

Blessings,

Veronica

P.S. I currently don't have internet except on my phone at my apartment so even though it's lent I won't be blogging my daily good things for the time being.

Hope your days are filled with good things.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Taylor Swift and I

Hi Friends,

Can I just say that I really, really, really like Taylor Swift's music? Because I do. I'm not one of those who really follow the stars but from the few interviews and such I've seen of her she seems like a pretty cool person and that makes me like her music a little more.

Have you heard her newest song? It's awesome. Have you seen the video? It's pretty extreme but definitely her. It's super fun to rock out to in the car. :P


This is probably my favorite song of hers.

This song gives me a feeling of liberation when I sing it. I change the words a wee bit when I sing it and it basically sums up a relationship which I wasted way too much energy on for way to long before finally realizing that it was never going to work. It makes me happy to sing it because I am no longer wasting energy on a dead end relationship. (I know, I know, I'm weird :P)

This was the song that I really liked as a teenager because *dramatic voice* this song captured my teenage angst of not being noticed by the guy who I liked. Okay that is a slight dramatization but not by much. :P

Have you watched this video? It's creepy. No offense Taylor since we are the exact same age so when you wrote this you were going through that awkward creepy teenager phase too.

This song was loved for basically the same reasons as above but it had a happy ending so it was enjoyed more. Except I wasn't in high school anymore so I don't have quite the same excuse to love it. Also you shouldn't covet other people's significant others so I don't know what I was thinking. We'll blame it on it being catchy.


Okay, so those are my top faves but I could throw in others but I think you would be bored and leave this post and that would defeat the purpose of me writing this post.

I had a dream last night that I was really good friends with Taylor Swift. In the dream we loved that we could just be ourselves in front of each other since we were both weird and understood each other. There was no punch line or anything. It was just that an awesome friendship.

Well I was telling my mom and brother Ben about my dream because it's not everyday you are best friends with Taylor Swift. As I was expecting, they thought I was weird but then Ben said something note worthy.

"Did you two write a song together because you both have man problems?"

Thanks Ben.

I told him I don't have man problems, I have lack-of-man problems, and I'm okay with that. Still, that was a good burn. :P

I haven't posted the good things about my life lately and I think I need to do it again.
Here are this week's good things:

1. I am not a parent.
-I don't know if this should count but I watched all of my siblings' kids at different times this week and I love them. I do. But I am always so happy when they are back into their parents' care. I am not ready for parenthood. :P

2. Going to the gym.
-Great stress relief. Greatly needed after babysitting. :P

3. Work went well today.
-Always a good thing. :P

Thanks for reading.

Blessings.

-Veronica








Sunday, December 14, 2014

Once Upon A Time

Hey Friends,

I know I haven't written in forever so I'll just give you the scoop on what I have been up to in story form.

Once upon a time there was a teenage girl who was going off to college. She had grand plans to become a veterinarian and quite possibly to save the world. We don't really know because most teenagers have pretty grandiose dreams.

As this girl completed her studies she discovered she did not want to be a vet any more. Not only is Chemistry extremely hard but she would have to take Organic Chemistry as well, something that only the smartest and most dedicated students seemed to be able to pass. So what was a student who liked science but did not love it enough to eat, sleep  (I don't think sleep is allowed in order to pass that class), and breathe it in order to become a vet to do?

Well as this girl grew up to become a young lady she learned some other things about herself. Although she liked animals, she did not want to work with them anymore. She also learned that she liked people and enjoyed psychology and recreation. So what is a student who enjoys science, recreation, psychology, and people to do?

The young lady considered other typical biology type careers such as teaching, nursing, and physical therapy but nothing fit. She then began to consider recreational therapy but she missed the science. This young lady's very smart mom then suggest to her that occupational therapy might be a good fit for her.

This young lady was astounded. She had never heard of this beast. She quickly researched it and discovered that this career was exactly what she had been looking for! Hurray, she finally had a path for her future. Her pursuit of knowledge was now complete.

Haha, She wished.

It was her senior year at a small liberal arts college. There was no fitting in the prerequisites that year.

So the young lady continued on her journey of higher education. Taking a year at a community college to complete her prerequisites and applying to grad school.

Then the young lady got the magical envelope in the mail: her acceptance letter to the Sage School of the Mysterious Occupational Therapy.

The young lady began her studies at the Sage School with the starry eyed-ness that only first year students can have. She then was put through test of sheer strength (of memorization) and determination (stupid lab practicals). She was forced to complete fieldworks where her ability to actually interact with real people was put to the test. She stumbled after her first big fieldwork and struggled during her last big fieldwork but she successfully passed them.

Finally after 7 and 1/2 years and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (times like a million). She could finally say that her path of higher education was complete. She had completed her masters degree!

If only she could say it was over... (stupid boards :P)

Look for the sequel to learn if she passed her boards...

So there you have it. I have successfully completed both of my level two fieldworks.

Now I get to spend tons of money (it's a really expensive test and study materials are also expensive) and tons of time studying so that I hopefully pass my boards.

Hope you all are doing well! Congrats to all my friends who also completed their paths to higher education this semester!

Blessings,

Veronica

Monday, September 29, 2014

Getting Caught Up

Hi Friends,

Hope you are doing well. I've been plugging along but I've had many times over the past 5 months where I have gotten caught up. Caught up in the moment, about a mistake, about a feeling, about how much work I had to do, etc, etc, etc.

So I just want to pop in to leave you with two quotes that I think may help you as they have helped me.

The first one is:

The second one is: 



That is all I will say for today. Good luck with everything you have to do. :)

Blessings, 

Veronica 

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Meh...

Hey Friends,

This has been a meh kind of weekend. It's nobody else's nor any circumstances fault (well any new circumstance anyways). My inner demons came out to play this weekend. My inner demons are really mean.

I wasn't going to post since I don't like to be Debbie Downer but I also don't want pretend that everything is okay when it isn't. This is life. Yes, we should look on the bright side of things and we can choose to be happy or not but it's not always that simple and we are going to have days that are subpar.

I think this quote from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day sums up the way life goes quite nicely.
Judith Viorst, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day | 15 Wonderful Quotes About Life From Children's Books
Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/129548926754941886/
Outside of my inner demons coming out to play it was not a terrible weekend. 

Here are today's good things: 
1. Sleeping in. 

2. Reading a good book. 
-I would go insane if I spent my whole day studying so I spent my study breaks and my time procrastinating with a good book. :P 

Saturday: 
1. Spending time with Amelia. 
-I adore my baby niece and I had the impromptu pleasure of spending time with her on Saturday morning because he brother had a soccer game, my sister was working, and her father didn't want her to catch cold so he asked me to watch her for an hour. She was so good for me. Everyone else in the house was still sleeping and I was busy trying to make desserts for a bridal shower but she sat in her highchair for me and ate a snack and played quietly. She even accompanied me for a quick trip to Dollar General when I decided it was worth my sanity to purchase a new mixer since I could not find the beaters for the old one. 

2. Got to see my Lisa Love. 
-My Lisa Love is my best friend from high school. Saturday was her bridal shower. It was nice to see her and her bridal shower went well. 

Friday: 
1. Got to spend time with Amelia. 
-On Friday I watched Amelia while her mother went to the dentist. She was also good for me on Friday, playing good for me and then taking her nap without too much hassle. She did insist I read her one book 4 times and wanted me to read it a fifth but did not give a fuss when I gently refused. :)

2. Work went well. 
-I really like my job. It can sometimes be really stressful but I have more good days than bad days. 

3. This conversation. 
-Small child: "Veronica, will you drag me." 
Me: "Sure."
Small child's dad: "That doesn't sound very good. You dragging my children around the kitchen floor." 
-So you know, the children sit on their bottoms and I hold their arms and pull them around the floor because they think it's fun. The children's parents are okay with it and the dad joked that it cleans the floor. :P 

Thursday: 
1. Passed my lab practical!!!!!
-I am now finished with the lab portion of my physical rehab class. 

2. Had my last research class.
-Now we just have our symposium on Saturday and I am done with that class. :) 

Wednesday: 
1. Went to the gym.

2. Class was interesting/ I didn't fall asleep.
-We talked about autism in Pediatrics which was really interesting. I also didn't fall asleep or really even feel like I was going to. Double win. 

Now that I've written this post and thought about the good things of the last few days I am in a better mood. Go figure. :P 

Good luck with your week everyone.

Thanks for reading. 

Blessings,

Veronica 


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Lookout Crazy, Cranky Grad Student Coming Through

Hi Friends,

I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so ready for this semester to be over. I am supposed to be studying for my lab practical right now but I was supposed to be studying for that earlier and very little studying has gotten done. I'm just so over it. :P

Of course I am...not. ;)
Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/341429215471716258/

Sorry, I'm in a pretty grouchy mood. It's the final weeks of classes and it's hard to stay motivated. One of my classmates said it best when she said that there is so little time left but still so much that needs to be cared about. :P

Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/341429215472789098/

My practical is making me really anxious because there is just so much we need to know and be able to articulate and do. The good thing is that when I am done with my practical on Thursday that I will only have my final left for that class.

Please?! :P
Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/341429215472233208/
Here are today's good things: 
1. Not having an 8am class.
-I hate mornings. :P

2. Went for a walk with Melanie.
-I was way too lazy to go to the gym today but I did manage to make myself go for a walk and convince Melanie to join me (not that she needed convincing, she was as happy as I was to stay away from schoolwork :P ). 

Monday: 
1. Finished homework that was due Tuesday by 8pm. 

2. No afternoon class. :) 

Well there you have the ramblings of someone whose brain is fired. Hope everyone else's April is going well and classes or work aren't treating you too badly. Good luck with everything.

Thanks for reading. 

Blessings, 

Veronica