Monday, March 31, 2014

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

Hi Friends,

Why are we so hard on ourselves? The only person who really ever expects perfection from ourselves is us. Yes, this is not true 100% of the time but when it comes down to whose opinion matters most, it's our own.

So why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we expect perfection from ourselves? Do we expect anyone else to be perfect? I certainly don't, so why do I expect myself to be?

I am in counseling and have been for the last month. I should have probably been in counseling way before this but I kept putting it off. Why did I do this? I did this for a number of reasons. I thought I could make it through my troubles on my own. I thought my troubles, which I thought for other people was an acceptable reason to go to counseling, weren't bad enough. I didn't want to admit I wasn't perfect. I was afraid people would judge me. I'm doing alright right this minute, the last few months were just a phase. There are probably other reasons too. I think I came up with every excuse you can think of not to seek counseling.

One of the main things that my counselor is trying to get through to me is for me to be nicer to myself. This is what inspired this post because I'm sure I am not alone out there. This brings me back to my first question: why are we so hard on ourselves?

I wish I had a good answer for that question but I don't. We are only human and are not meant to be perfect. I know this post sounds a lot like like the one I posted on loving your neighbor but I don't think it can be said too much.

You are enough. You are amazing. You were created by a loving God who made you the way you are. We are not all meant to accomplish the same things. If we were the world would never advance, let alone function. We need you to be you and no one else. You are enough.*

We can always better ourselves but that's not the same as not being enough. It doesn't matter if you never keep your new years resolutions or get that A, you are still great because you are you.

Jenny Layton sums it up nicely.
*If you don't believe me check out 1 Corinthians:12 :)

Here are today's good things:
1. Holy Plot Twist
-I watch the online series Emma Approved, a modern day adaptation of Jane Austen's Emma. Today there was a crazy awesome plot twist. I never saw that coming. :P

2. Made myself go to the gym today.
-Exercise helps make my brain chemicals and the rest of my body happy. :)

3. Survived my test today.
-The short answer questions were awful but other than that it didn't seem too bad. Nevertheless, it's done. :P

One final thought that is not my own but I share his or her view ;):

Thank you for reading. 



Sunday, March 30, 2014

Rain Rain Go Away

Hey Friends,

I'm beginning to wonder if spring will ever come. Once again when I was driving home on Thursday it was snowing in Central NY. This confirms my suspicions that Central NY is a godforsaken place (just kidding, well kind of :P). Today it was cold and rainy, the kind of cold and rainy that makes me happy I don't run cross country or track anymore. Hopefully we get some non-winter but also non-cold and non-rainy weather this week.

Since I haven't written in 4 days, am in a damper mood, and should probably get back to studying I will now cut to the good things of the last few days. ;)

1. Got a lot accomplished.
-It's always nice to have a productive day.

2. Actually got to bed before midnight.
-I haven't been very good at this lately and I much prefer not seeing the new day until I get up in the morning. ;)

1. Getting a great welcome.
-It had been two weeks since I had seen my sister and her children. Her children gave me lots of hugs and were genuinely happy to see me. Xander and Amelia's faces brightened when they saw me, Xander cried "Aunt Veronica" and ran and gave me a hug. Amelia, the baby, cried "MaMa" and ran and gave me a hug (she knows I'm Veronica and not mom but we can't get her to call me anything else, trust me, I've tried about everything :P).

2. My doctors appointment went well.
-I hate going to the doctor but my appointment went well and I was out of there in twenty minutes. :)

1. Making children laugh.
-I really enjoy making the girl I work with and her sister smile, the best way I accomplish this is by being silly. This week I sang Bruno Mars "Grenade" very badly and was a runaway horse to accomplish this task. ;)

2. Cuddling with my cat.
-This time it was Natasha. She draped herself over my arm when I was on my computer and purred away. :)

1. Not feeling rushed.
-I ended up oversleeping when I had planned to get up so I could study this morning but I didn't feel rushed and like I'd messed up my whole day by oversleeping. :)

2. Not having to go grocery shopping.
-I like grocery shopping but I don't like doing it every week. It was nice to not have to make any stops between home and school today. :)

Hope you had a good weekend! Have a great week!



Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Two Years

Hello Friends,

Today marks two years since my sister Constance died. My brother Ben said it best when he says it feels like it has been a lot longer.

It's continued to be a rough road to put it bluntly. 2013 was a pretty crappy year, not worse than 2012 by any stretch of the imagination but it was bad. So in addition to continuing to deal with my sister's death, I've had a lot on my plate.

There is a song by Miranda Lambert that I think sums up quite nicely how I feel about my sister's death. Her and her husband wrote and composed it about the passing of his brother.

I wanted to say something great and awe inspiring, not because I want people to think I'm great but because I want to give people hope. I figured it would be something like a quote or a Bible verse but it's not.

I am here today where I am because I get up each day and put one foot in front of the other. Do I sometimes want to give up? Hell yes. Life is hard but life goes on. I've been dealt one awful hand in the last few years and I am still standing. I'm no better than anyone else, there are plenty of other people out there doing the same thing as me. I'm no better than any of you reading this post either. If I can do it, you can do it.

Honestly, I'm not being an annoying cheerleader, I'm speaking from the heart. If I can do it so can you.

To keep with my lent commitment here are today's good things:
1. Finally did my laundry.
-It had been piling up the last few weeks but five loads later and all my clothes are now clean. Many of them are now piled on top of my desk but they are all clean. ;)

2. Washed my dishes.
-We really need dishes that will just wash themselves. ;)

3. Went to the gym.
-That makes it three times in a row this week. First time this semester. :)

4. Made it through today.
-Simple but true. :)

Thank you all for reading. Hope you are all doing well.



RIP Constance

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

6 More Weeks

Hi Friends,

To anyone who doesn't know it (aka anyone who is not in my grad school class) my program only has 6 more weeks of classes! It's exciting but at the same time very nerve wracking since we still have so much to do. So close yet so far away. :P

I don't really have anything that interesting to report so I will skip right to today's good things.

1. Finished my treatment plan that is due tomorrow by 10:30pm.
-My goal was actually to finish by ten but I had trouble finding sources so it took a little longer but I don't think 10:30pm is too shabby. ;)

2. Went to the gym.
-Two days in row. Let's see if I can manage 3 this week. :)

3. The sun was out again and it didn't seem as cold.
-Maybe spring is coming after all. ;)

Hope you all manage to get everything you need to finish done this week! :)



Monday, March 24, 2014

Agitated as a Washing Machine

Hi Friends,

Hope you all are doing well! I am currently agitated and have been on and off all day. I think it's a mixture of stress from school and the events that took place between March 23 and March 26 of 2012. I'm not too bad when engaged in class or other activities but give me any sort of downtime or attempts to do my homework and the agitation is back.

Despite my agitation that makes me feel like a wash machine or a dementia patient (agitation is a major symptom of the disease and when I think of agitation I think of dementia) today wasn't a bad day. The last few days were decent as well.

Here are Friday's good things:
1. Got to see my good friend from home Lisa.

2. Got to see Lisa's dog Emma.
-She's my favorite dog. :)

1. I got to go to work.
-I really missed getting to work the last couple of weeks. I was happy to see the family I work for again and they were happy to see me I think. It was a good day at work as well.

2. It was a productive day.
-At least I felt it was productive. I went to work, ate dinner with my family, and drove back to school, all within a twelve and a half hour period. ;)

1. Got my awful annotated bibliography done.
-It was rough but I got it done. It took forever and a day.

2. Got my other homework that was due today done.
-Thank goodness!

1. The sun was shining.
-That is always good. :)

2. Went to the gym.
-I have been really bad about going to the gym this semester so this is a good thing. :)

3. Classes went well today.
-It was actually a pretty good day as far as classes go. :)

Thanks for reading.



Thursday, March 20, 2014

Veronica is a Space Cadet

Hi Friends,

I am such a space cadet sometimes. I once went east when I meant to go west on the thruway. Another time I went all the way to Troy (over 2 hours away) only to discover I had the wrong set of keys. Today I somehow managed to leave my computer at school when I went home for the weekend. It was on my bed, next to my bag and I still managed to forget it. Not only that but I remembered to bring my charger home but not the computer. Go me. :P So I am now writing this on my brother's laptop. Too bad this is the weekend I have a ton of homework. Good thing though that I emailed all the articles I spent hours looking for for my annotated bibliography so I can work on that. :P

My life is really not that exciting so I'll cut to yesterday's good things:
1. This Song:

It's a really stupid song in reality but it is also really funny and makes me smile. :P

2. 90's throwbacks with Melanie in the library.
-My friend Melanie and I both love boy band music. We also often study or do homework together in the library. If you take over a study room you can listen to music and fun stuff like that. Last night we didn't get a ton of work done but we had a lot of fun rocking out to the boy band music we like so much. :P

3. Discovering that a song that you rocked out to when you were nine isn't as innocent as you thought. :P

-Melanie and I were jamming along to this song when I stopped and actually listened to the lyrics. It's so funny imagining your little kid self singing songs like this like it's nothing. :P

Today's good things:
1. It's the first day of spring.
-Unfortunately my hometown didn't get the message and we had snow but it's still spring so (*fingers crossed*) we might actually get nice weather soon.

2. Saying something really stupid but really funny.
-There is a song called "Casual Sex" that someone posted on FB and I asked my brother, Ben if he had heard it. He said he hadn't and asked if I knew who sang it. I didn't so I told him just Google "casual sex" that it would surely come up. My brother looked at me and smirked. I then realized that maybe that wasn't such good advice. ;)

3. Classes went by quickly and we got a lot done.
-I dread Thursdays because I'm in class all day. Today classes still went till 4 but they went by quickly and we got a lot accomplished in my research class. :)

Thanks for reading. Hope you all have a good weekend!


Tuesday, March 18, 2014

As Yourself

Hi Friends,

Today I'm going to talk about something I have struggled with for years, "loving your neighbor as yourself." I know that many people wouldn't probably guess that but it's true. Everyone struggles with this from time to time but I most often don't struggle with it in the way that is always emphasized growing up. It's those last two words, "as yourself," that get me.

There are many other ways that Jesus could have phrased it. For example, he could have said, "Love your neighbor for everyone was created by God" or he could have said, "Love your neighbor or on judgement day you will burn." Okay, he probably wouldn't have said the second one but you get the idea. ;)

My point is Jesus wants you love your neighbor as yourself. As Yourself. He is not saying your neighbor is better than you and therefore you must love them. He wants you to love them as you love yourself which means you need to love yourself.

Loving yourself is easier said than done. I know this from personal experience and I know many, if not all of you, can relate. I am really, really good at neglecting myself to attend to the needs of others. I am also really good at just disliking, and sometimes hating myself.

I am, for the most part, good at being nice to people as well as being the bigger person. I try to go out of my way to help people and to make random acts of kindness a big part of my life. Yes, I can be very judgemental (which I have been working on) but overall I try to be nice. Many would say that I am meeting what Jesus commanded us to do but many times I'm not. I'm neglecting the last part of the commandment.

To drive the point home here is a picture I found that helps explain who we are called to love:
Jesus wants us to love people who are all those things but aren't we all at least one of those things? If Jesus wants us to love those who fit the characteristics above, doesn't he want us to love ourselves too? He does.

One final thought that helps me and may help you also and then I will get off my soap box. If you want to know if you are keeping with the last part of the commandment, think about something you wouldn't judge someone else for doing. Are you judging yourself for doing the same thing? Or think about something you are happy about for somebody else that you have also accomplished. Are you giving yourself credit for what you have done?

This weekend's good things: 
1. Finished an excellent book. 
-I love happy endings that make you smile and aren't sickeningly sweet.

2. Had a decent drive back to school.

3. Hearing about answered prayers. 
-This is a new post by the family I talked about last week. They are a great inspiration. 

Monday's good things: 
1. Got my obnoxious homework assignment done. :P

2. Hung out with my awesome friend Melanie to finish said obnoxious homework assignment. :)
-All my classmates would agree that that assignment was horrible. It took Melanie and I several hours but we got it done. 

3. Having an an excellent phone-a-friend system in place for working on obnoxious assignments. 
-Our grad school class is not afraid to ask each other for help. Melanie and I ended up texting our friend Meghan who was nice enough to help us on a question we were completely stumped by. :)

Tuesday's good things: 
1. The sun was shining. 
-Maybe, just maybe, spring is coming. :)

2. My lazy butt went to the gym. 
-It's a good stress reliever. 

3. Nothing is due tomorrow. 
-This means that anything I work on tonight does not have to be finished and I can go to bed at a decent time. :) 

Thank you for reading. 

Hope you are doing well! 


Friday, March 14, 2014

I Made Jesus Face-Palm

Hi Friends,

I have a funny story to tell you. First let me start by saying that I am far from being a biblical scholar. There are certain stories of the Bible I know relatively well, some I know a little about, and some I know nothing at all about. That is why I chose to read the Bible for lent (and hopefully beyond as you will soon see).

I know who John the Baptist is. I remember learning about how Jesus was baptized by him and how they were cousins. I don't remember learning that he was imprisoned. When I read this, I was wondering when he was going to get out. I was reading along when I was stopped by this headline, "John the Baptist is Beheaded."

I cried to my mother who was sitting next to me, "They beheaded John the Baptist?! I didn't know they beheaded John the Baptist." I must have looked quite shocked because my mother told me, "Yes, they did but don't worry honey, it was a long time ago, he's okay with it now." That made me laugh and lightened my mood considerably. ;)

My mom then asked me how I'd missed learning about it and I honestly don't know. I semi-remember learning about someone being beheaded and served on a silver platter but I had no idea it was John the Baptist.

So there you have it. I'm pretty sure Jesus and John the Baptist face-palmed. Considering I went to church school from the age of 3 until I was 15 and then went to a Christian college, I'd say that they did (if any of my teachers are reading this, they probably are too).

I had thought I had read most of the New Testament but I guess I was wrong. :P You can tell I got through Biblical Literature in college by sheer luck. :P

I wasn't going to share this story (since it is embarrassing if you were brought up in the church) but then I thought it might help someone else in some way. Either simply to make them laugh or make them feel better about their biblical knowledge.

Here are the good things about Wednesday:
1. Found out about an answered prayer.
-There is a little boy, Ben, who is the nephew of a college classmate of mine. He has an aggressive brain tumor that in addition to being a threat to his life, causes terrible headaches. There is a whole community of people praying for Ben and his family. His mother posted a blog post about how he is doing and currently his headaches have been kept at bay by his medicine regimen. This is great to hear! On behalf of his family, I ask that you please pray for Ben and his family.
Here is the blog his mother writes if you are interested in checking it out:

2. Having your mom make you laugh even when you feel like a fool. :)

3. Eating a really tasty dinner.
-Have you ever tomato sausage? It's awesome. Last night we had tomato sausage burgers and they were delicious. :)

Today's good things:
1. Found a really nice present for my niece's first communion.
-I went to a local thrift-shop today and there it was on the shelf, waiting for me to buy it and take it home. ;)

2. Eating another really tasty dinner.
-Today we had french bread pizzas for dinner. This is one of my favorite kinds of pizza. It was also delicious. ;)

Hope you are all doing well.

Thank you for reading.


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Wednesday's Good Things

Hi Friends,

The expected snow came in today leading to a pretty uneventful day so I'll get right to today's good things. :P

Here are today's good things:

1. Shoveling the driveway with Aaron and Benjamin.
-So my brothers didn't think it was important to make sure there was gasoline to put in the snow-blower and therefore we had to shovel the driveway. :P It sounds bad but it was actually kind of fun. It has been years since we have shoveled the driveway together and it was nice to spend time with them. :)

2. Cuddling with the kitties.
-My kitties are such good cuddlers. I love them. :)

Thanks for reading. :)



Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Sun Is Shining

Hi Friends,

Today was a good day. Went to the dentist, worked at the thrift store, went shopping, it was a productive day. :)

Here are today's good things:
1. Clean bill of health from the dentist.
-No cavities! I think I am just as happier, if not happier, as an adult when I go to the dentist and have no cavities. :P

2. The sun was shining and it was warm.
-A slight taste of spring before yet another snow storm but it was wonderful. :)

3. Had fun shopping with my niece and mom.
-We watched my niece, Amelia, while my sister worked today. Amelia was really well behaved for the most part and she was hilarious at the grocery store. She was talking up a storm, couldn't understand her toddler babble but it was cute. A lot of the other people at the store thought she was funny as well. :P

Hope you all are doing well! Be safe if you have to go out tomorrow!

Thanks for reading.


Monday, March 10, 2014

Dear Winter, Go Away

Hey Friends,

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Hope that a bunch of you are in nicer climates than I am. I just looked at the weather and we are supposed to get 10-18" between 7am Wednesday and noon on Thursday so I'm slightly grouchy at the moment. :P So much for hoping spring would come early.

Saturday was a pretty good day. I ended up not having to work because the family I work for was sick and they didn't want me to get it, which I am very appreciative of. Instead I worked in my room for several hours (my room is a major disaster area and I was doing a lot of sorting). That evening I went to my brother's to watch his son so he and his significant other could go out.

Sunday was also pretty good for the most part. I had stayed at my brother's the night before so I didn't have to drive home half-asleep. My nephew, Gage, has a really early bedtime so I don't get to see him much when I get there. Therefore, I like spending the night when I baby-sit (and so do my brother and his s.o. I suspect) because I get up with the baby and let them sleep in.

My nephew, Gage, and I had a great time.
Look at Gage-Man! He's gotten so big.
Taken at an interesting moment :P 
I wanted to get a few pictures of Gage-Man playing but all he wanted to do was take away my camera. :P

Today was an okay day. Today is my other nephew Xander's birthday. He is 7 years old today. Kids' ages are a great gage of how much time has passed. I was a senior in high school when he was born. That feels like a lifetime ago. :P Happy Birthday Xander. :) 

Here are the good things about the last few days: 
1. Having an unexpected day off of work. 
-I feel bad for the reason but it's still nice not to have to work sometimes. :) 

2. Having the family I work for not having me come to work.
-I know that they appreciate my help and they probably could have used it Saturday with them being sick but I really appreciate that they didn't have me come in. 

1. Getting to play with my nephew, Gage. 
-Gage-Man is so fun. :) 

2. Getting to play with my nephew, Gage. 
-I don't get to see him very much so it counts double. :P

3. It was a bright and sunny day. :) 

1. Having your gift be appreciated. 
-My nephew was very appreciative of his gift. It's always nice when you are appreciated for what you do or give.  

2. Finishing a good book. 
-Always a good thing. :) 

Sorry for the long post. I will have to try to write on the weekends. 

Thanks for reading!



Friday, March 7, 2014

What a Fabulous Hat

Hey Friends,

Sorry for not writing a post yesterday. I was driving home for spring break. :)

I cannot believe it is already spring break. The semester is basically half-way over. It's crazy.

Here are the good things about yesterday:
1. I washed my collection of dirty dishes.
-I hate washing dishes, we've established this in the past. ;) No matter how much I tell myself it would be easier just to wash the dishes as I use them, I always end up with an accumulation of dirty dishes. : P

2. I made it home safe and sound.
-When it comes to driving home I am a person who can't make up their mind. :P Last night I kept bouncing back and forth of whether I wanted to drive home or not. At almost 10pm I decided that I was awake and I was going to take advantage of it. :P

Here are the good things about today. :)
1. Volunteering at the thrift store.
-Today, my mom, my older sister, and I volunteered at the local ministry's thrift store. I really like volunteering at the thrift store. It let's me embrace my inner organizer without the stress and anxiety that comes with organizing your own stuff. :P

2. Hanging out with my baby niece.
-Amelia is really smart and she is really fun. When she came in my room this morning, she immediately asked for a book since every time she comes in my room she gets to look at a book and/or read to. She was also very insistent I sat down and played with her with the ball toy I got for her. :P When we went down to the thrift store Amelia and I had some fun trying on hats:
"Aren't we fabulous?" 
"Of course we are." 
Hope you all have an awesome weekend!

Thank you for reading!



Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Welcome to Lent

Hi Friends,
I know it's been awhile but I (along with everyone else I suspect) have been very busy.

Today is Ash Wednesday which means it's the start of Lent. I really like the entire Easter Season. Easter is the most important holiday in the whole of Christianity. Had Christ not died for us, Christmas would not matter because then Jesus just would have been a really great guy. The Easter Season represents a lot about who we are as Christians.

Instead of giving up something for Lent, I am going to resume my quest of posting at least 2 good things about each day. Not everyday seems that great but I know I am blessed and I find it helpful to do this. I am also going to begin reading at least one chapter of the New Testament everyday. I know it doesn't sound like much but I don't want to set the bar too high and fail as I have in the past and something is better than nothing (at least in my opinion).

So without further ado, here are the good things about today.
1. Did well on the test I had today.
-My professor already graded them and I am happy with my grade. :)

2. Worked out for the second day in a row.
-I've gotten out of the habit so this is an accomplishment. :P

3. Finishing the homework that is due tomorrow by 10:00pm.
-As I have been a major procrastinator lately, this is also a good accomplishment. :P

Sorry if this post is poorly written. I'm tired and it's been awhile. :P

Thank you for reading.